I Found Myself Today and Ran Away
by Oldach's Dream
Summary: All human story that takes place at the end of their senior year in high school. A tragic event followed by deep character introspection, romance and the art of growing up and letting go. Spuffy, mainly, with sprinklings of many other couples.
1. Chapter 1

Author: Oldach's Dream

Summary: All human story that takes place at the end of their senior year in high school. A tragic event followed by deep character introspection, romance and the art of growing up and letting go. Spuffy, mainly, with sprinklings of many other couples.

Rated: K

Disclaimer: So very not mine

Author's note: I can't really explain this more than I did in the summary. My muse is recovering from a long, long hiatus and I think I'll be using this story to get some kinks out of him and work the rust off a bit. Your reviews are much appreciated and very needed if you'd like to see this truly come to life. As I said, All Human, but the characters will remain as true to BuffyVerse as I can manage.

I Found Myself Today and Ran Away

"It's not supposed to be like this," Buffy's voice was frighteningly calm in the face of their current situation, but no one thought to question it or look upon it as a sign of impending doom. Nothing else could go wrong today, anyway.

Only Tara looked at Buffy thoughtfully, questioningly. Everyone else nodded their agreement or simply ignored the blonde's words. Nothing much mattered right now. In this space that been created around them, this classroom - normally so mundane and unappreciated - had been transformed into something life altering. A place they could never go back to, had never been before, yet couldn't leave, no matter how much strength they put into it.

"What do you mean?" The shy girl asked quietly, staring intently at Buffy, the comforting warmth pressed into her side gave her the strength to ask the question and - more importantly - hear the answer.

"I mean, we're not supposed to be like this," Buffy stared straight ahead, at what everyone wished they couldn't see. "We're not supposed to live this, we're not supposed… to figure everything out so soon. We're supposed to grow up, graduate, get jobs, go to college. We're supposed to take trips around the world, live for a year in a city thousands of miles away just to figure things out. It's supposed to make sense. We're supposed to live and find ourselves and…and be happy."

Tara considered her words, she heard Willow stifle a sob and after a few long moments that could have been decades for all that it really mattered, Xander spoke, "We're not supposed to grow up this fast."

Everyone in that classroom was decades older now than they had been that morning, and it wasn't fair.

"We have to get out of here." Oddly, it was Cordelia Chase that finally voiced that nugget of reason.

"Why?" Angel sounded so lost, Tara thought, and her heart went out to him. "What the point? We're gonna be here forever. We're gonna come back here every night in our dreams, it's never gonna leave. Never. We're just-"

"Shut up." Anya snapped. She wasn't the only one that was angry, but she was the most affected by the physical aspects of what had taken place today. "Long rambling hysteria aside, the football player's right. We have to get out of here."

"Ahn-" Xander started, but his words drifted off. He looked sort of lost.

"No," she snapped anyway, "I can't stand being here anymore, trapped like an animal in a cage. We have to leave."

"She's right," Buffy looked up, taking in all her surroundings for the first time in a while, pulling herself out of her daze, her eyes seemed no longer glassy. "Anya's right. We have to go."

"But what about…" Angel started but didn't seem to able to finish. When most to the others looked his way he said simply, "Everyone. Out there."

"We can't stay here." Xander spoke so calmly, so rationally. Tara envied him in a way. She'd always felt that Xander knew exactly who he was and once her grew up a little, she believed that he'd be one of the strongest, most confident people she would ever know. She'd been right. It was just bittersweet that she'd seen it this soon.

But, she supposed, that had been Buffy's point. And Xander had been the one to vocalize it, putting it in simple, simple words.

_We're not supposed to grow up this fast. _

"It's the dawning of a new day," Oz spoke quiet, meaningful words and Tara wondered how she could have hated him so much just hours before now.

"Sound the trumpets, call the captain," Xander went on and Tara listened carefully now.

Then, to Tara's great surprise, Willow spoke. Albeit softly, in nearly a whisper, "Throw the traitors overboard and raise the flags."

"Gather the weapons, seal your soul." Oz went on and the others in the room listened to these three, knowing that this was something from long ago in their shared childhood, something that none of them knew anything about. It was comforting all the same. "Because today's the day when it all will change,"

"Because nothing ever stays the same." Xander finished, and they all knew it was true.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

TBC…

A/N: Thoughts would be much appreciated. If you wanna see this keep going, you're gonna have to review!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"It's the dawning of a new day

Sound the trumpets, call the captain

Throw the traitors overboard and raise the flags

Gather the weapons, seal your soul

Because today's the day when it all will change

Because nothing ever stays the same."

A nine-year old Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris sat with a ten-year old Oz as their babysitter finished reading from the paper in front of her. The young woman looked around at the group of children seated at the kitchen table and smiled expectantly when she was through.

Xander remembered that she'd had pretty hair, kind of the color of Buffy's, but more fake. Willow had always thought that her teeth had been way too white. In fact, years later, she had only ever seen teeth that bright on one other human being, and for some reason she just didn't think Robin Wood counted.

Oz remembered everything about her. Her height, weight, mannerisms, the color of her skin, and all the words to that little poem. He was sure that if her were to see her years later, he would instantly recognize her. Not because he loved her, not because the day meant something special, not even because he cared.

Oz could just never forget. Anything.

"So, what did you guys think?" She asked nervously, wringing her hands a bit.

"It didn't rhyme." Willow spoke first, glancing to her companions thoughtfully. "Poems are supposed to rhyme. I read about it."

"I didn't get it." Xander said, looking baffled. "Who was the bad guy?"

"There was no bad guy," Anna answered honestly, listening intently.

"Then who does the hero beat up?"

"There's no hero." She answered again and Xander looked thoughtful.

"Then I really don't understand."

The older girl sighed a little. "It's supposed to be cryptic."

"I don't understand," Willow echoed her friend's words.

"Right." Anna agreed, looking pleased and confusing the two.

"Huh?" Xander wished he could be watching Batman right now.

"Cryptic," Anna repeated, "Right?"

"I don't get it." Xander bit his lip, willing it not to get wobbly.

"Exactly." Anna smiled brighter and Willow couldn't look directly at her. Her smile too bright, her eyes too wanting. They were both holding back tears now.

And Oz, sensing his friend's frustration and confusion spoke finally, for the first time all day. Even at that age, Oz's voice cast silence over the rest of the room when he decided to use it.

Because he was quiet by nature everyone would listen to him when he spoke. It was ironic, but it was human nature. He'd learned that young.

"Cryptic means that you're not supposed to understand." He said, glancing at Willow and Xander, not liking their babysitter very much at all. His own mother had picked her out, but he felt defensive around her, like he needed to protect the other two.

Every time she got too close to Willow, or Xander, he'd have this urge deep down in his gut to growl at her. And once, when she touched him, he'd wanted fiercely to bite her, sink his teeth into her skin until he tasted blood and made her back away from him in fear.

Sometimes he had thoughts like this about people. Other times, he trusted and was comfortable and the idea of biting or growling made him think of movies and the funny cartoons Xander always wanted to watch. None of it felt real.

He still didn't understand that.

"Oh," Oz could see in Willow's gaze that she was filing that information away for later use - she'd learned something new today, so she was happy.

Xander just scrunched up his face in confusion for a few moments, finally deciding on, "Well, that's stupid."

Anna's eyes flashed and only Oz noticed. He wanted to growl again.

It's the dawning of a new day

Sound the trumpets, call the captain

Throw the traitors overboard and raise the flags

Gather the weapons, seal your soul

Because today's the day when it all will change

Because nothing ever stays the same.

In truth, it wasn't that cryptic, wasn't that meaningful, wasn't that anything. Just the babblings of a wannabe poet college student that used to baby sit some children in Sunnydale in her free time for some extra cash.

Well, that's all it had been until several years ago - when Oz was a sophomore and Xander and Willow were freshman - that the same woman, Anna Skullfeild, had been arrested for killing her newborn baby.

That news had rocked Sunnydale and everyone in it, no one had expected such a crime from a city such as theirs. Then again, no one ever really expected tragedy, especially one so gruesome, to take place so close to home.

Oddly, as soon as it had reached the papers and the three friends had heard about it, they remembered the poem from all those years ago. They remembered Anna herself, of course; Oz's parents even had to meet with the police and give dispositions on her character and behavior for the court and trial.

No, they could never forget her, but it was that poem that got to them. They'd sat around for hours in Willow's bedroom going over the specifics of it, attempting to see in hindsight the foreshadowing that might have been there.

But they never could. If anything, it seemed disturbingly innocent. So they'd kept it. A part of their group. They'd say it every now and again, quote a line from it more often than that. It was just a part of something that had been a part of something that had turned into a fine part of what laced their friendship together.

It wasn't that odd. At least, not to them.

What was odd, however, was that exactly one year, to the day, after Anna Skullfeild took the life of her innocent child, Buffy Summers transferred to Sunnydale High.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Her knees hit the pavement hard; and she felt it. Her jeans probably tore and her kneecaps felt like they were on fire, after the sharp initial pain dulled - but she didn't care. Somehow, her little sister had managed to break through the massive clumps of police officers, the S.W.A.T team, the reporters with their cameras and microphones, the city officials and all the random people who had gathered around to await the outcome of this tragedy.

Her eleven-year-old little sister, with her lanky arms and long brown hair - so different from their mother's yet so close to Buffy's natural color - had managed to get away from Joyce, squeeze through the crowd, dash under the police tape and come hurtling towards her big sister. Drawn by fear and so many things Buffy knew she couldn't possibly understand.

The older girl had seen her coming and had reacted on instinct; falling on her knees and catching Dawn in her arms, circling her tightly, letting everyone know that she wasn't a target, she wasn't to be harassed. She was to be protected.

But the harder she held onto the girl, the more she couldn't focus anymore, the more reality caught up with her.

_The first crack of gunfire left her frozen, helpless and in fear for her life. She'd grown up in L.A., not a bad section of the city, mind you, but she was no stranger to the sound of a gun being fired. _

_And for a split second she thought she was dreaming or hallucinating because, well, this just couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening to her. Her mom had moved them out of L.A. after a kid in Dawn's school had been found with an unloaded gun on the playground. _

_It was too dangerous, she'd said, and Buffy, though not really wanting to move, had to agree. She wouldn't be able to stand it if anything ever happened to her baby sister. They could fight and bicker and argue and steal each other's things as much as they liked, but Buffy had sworn the day her parent's had brought Dawn home that she would look after her. _

_So they'd moved to Sunnydale. The safest city in all of Suburbia Land. And gunfire just didn't make any sense here. It was too ironic, too cruel._

_But then she heard the screams, the clamor of frantic feet, the slamming of doors, the busting of class and she knew this safe life had been a lie. It took another shot going off for her to unfreeze, to react and protect and get away. _

Only she hadn't gotten away.

Her, Willow, Xander, Oz, Tara, Anya, Angel and Cordelia alone had been trapped, held prisoner by the two students that had started and stopped it all.

"Buffy," Xander spoke to her now, crouching down so he was by her side. "You have to let go. We have to go with the police."

She didn't know how long she'd been on the ground, and she didn't care, couldn't even process the idea of caring. She had Dawn wrapped in her arms and it was so simple and so right that it was all she could focus on. Because she'd lost focus. She'd lost focus back in the classroom just minutes ago and she'd started thinking about what it all meant, what had just happened and it was too…

"_Are you okay?" She whispered harshly to Xander, who had a sobbing Willow in his arms. "What's going on? Who else is here? Where's Spike?" _

_Her focus after the initial shot had been fired was simple; find her friends. Find her boyfriend. And get out. _

_She'd run to the door first, praying that they were all outside, safe from this, but instead of making it there, she'd tripped over something in the hallway. _

_Amongst the scattered paper and school things, the shattered glass and everything else that littered the floor; there was a body. And when she moved far enough away to get a good look at what she was no lying next to, Harmony Kendall's lifeless eyes were staring back at her. _

_Shock took over, followed closely by instinct when she heard more gunfire in the direction of the exit she'd been running towards. So she got up and ran again in the other direction, her shoulder now throbbing from where she'd landed on it. _

_She didn't dare look around to see if there were more bodies, more dead. The shots kept going off, people were darting around, not many were left. She couldn't think about it. She couldn't think. _

_She made it into a classroom. Willow and Xander were there and scared but uninjured. Buffy had never put a lot of faith in, well, anything before that moment, but she knew that finding her friends was nothing short of a miracle. _

_Xander looked like he was in as much shock as Buffy herself, but he answered anyway, gripping Willow as tight as he could. "We're…we're fine. We, uh, there's no one else - here, but Anya and Oz took off towards the cafeteria and….and Tara, she, uh, went the other way. I think - I think a lot made it out, but the doors are, are kinda blocked now. We…we saw…."_

_Willow sobbed but managed, "Larry. He-He's dead." _

"_So's Harmony." Buffy nodded, not recognizing her own voice. "W-What about Spike?" She was almost afraid to ask but she knew she couldn't let fear in. Because then she might shut down and nothing good would come of that. _

_Xander shook his head, "He wasn't in first period. I think he was late, or skipping, or…"_

_For just a moment Buffy let herself feel relief. There was a good probability that the man she loved hadn't been in the school when all Hell had broken loose. _

_She hadn't realized it then, but it was first time she'd thought _love.

"Buffy," Dawn was crying hard now, "We were so scared. We didn't know what was happening."

Buffy just swallowed and held on tighter.

"Miss," a police officer appeared behind her sister's shoulder, just like Xander had known they would, and spoke to her calmly, yet firmly, "You and your friends are going to have to come with us."

Buffy nodded and stood up slowly, taking Dawn with her. It had been years since she'd carried her little sister, but she was still light enough for it to work. Plus, she wouldn't be taking her far.

The S.W.A.T. team had lowered their guns and let her by, recognizing that no one who'd just come out of the school was a threat. Yet they all seemed confused as to where the threat had gone and that, Buffy rationalized, was why the crowd was still contained behind the yellow tape and why Xander, Willow, Tara and Anya were now moving towards cop cars.

Oz, Angel and Cordelia were making their way to the police barrier just as Buffy was doing - sans the eleven-year-old in their arms - and embracing family members. It would only be a matter of time before they followed their friends.

"Buffy." Her mother approached her first, ducking under the tape and holding onto her hard, squishing Dawn between them. "God, I'm so, so glad you're alright."

Buffy wondered whether or not any of them would ever be alright again. Then she stopped thinking and focused again. This time on her mom.

"I love you, mommy," she whispered in her ear, and that was all it took for Joyce to start crying.

Eventually, she backed away, wiping her eyes and smiling a smile that was sadness, relief and dull fear all rolled together in one. She tried to take Dawn from her, but that child was clinging fiercely. Buffy didn't mind. And it didn't stop Spike from stepping up to her next.

She knew that waiting for her mother to back away had been extremely difficult for the bleached blonde, but Buffy appreciated it. She loved Spike, but her mom was her mom. And the little sister that was still wrapped around her neck and torso did nothing to prevent Spike from moving forward and holding her tightly.

Spike's arms were strong and secure around her. He smelled of cigarette smoke, light aftershave, a musty familiar smell that she always thought he got from his father's library and something else that was distinctly Spike.

She'd missed him. In the lifetime that she'd been in that building with her friends, her acquaintances, her rivals and the ones she hadn't even known, trapped like rats by…trapped. She'd missed him in that lifetime.

"I was so scared," he whispered, accent thicker through his emotions. "I was so bloody scared. You could have died."

They both felt Dawn tremble and Buffy knew her sister was crying from the wetness on her neck. She knew Spike was crying from the wetness on the other side.

"I was so scared," he kept repeating the words and Buffy wondered if maybe he was in shock, too.

Holding each other was all they could do, clinging tightly with a desperateness neither had ever felt before.

It didn't last.

She didn't hear exactly what the officer said, but her mom's words cut through her daze like his couldn't. "Buffy, honey, you've got to go with them now." The seventeen-year-old didn't have to turn to know what her mom was gesturing towards.

"But…" she didn't know what to do, didn't know where to look or what to feel or how to act or even how to talk anymore. "I…"

"It's alright, luv," Spike pulled away, but kept his hands wrapped around her upper arms. "You go. You'll be safe. Me and your mum will look after the Bit, alright?" He stroked the side of her face gently, lovingly. "You'll be back soon. we'll be there when you're done."

Buffy could only nod and move finally, going to set Dawn down on the ground. The child had other ideas and clung until Buffy kneeled, eye level with her again.

"Dawnie…"

"I don't want you to go away again," her bottom lip quivered. "The bad people might get you."

Buffy bit her lip. "The bad people are gone now." She said, swallowing thickly and trying to forget everything. She knew her sister didn't, couldn't understand what had happened. In truth, neither could Buffy. So there was only one thing that mattered right then. "It's over now, Dawnie. It's all over."

TBC…

Thoughts?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"_Hi," He stated it plainly, almost shyly but not quite, one afternoon. The smell of musty old books surrounding them, forever linking her back to this moment. _

_She turned to him without much concern. She'd known he was there, could feel the presence behind her and she looked at him now with a piercing quality she'd been told was quite impressive. Because she knew that 'Hi,'. Because that wasn't a passing greeting or 'Hi, I saw you in my English class and I need notes' 'Hi'. _

_It was an invitation, a beginning, a want. She knew people, and she knew that 'Hi,"_

_She looked him up and down, studied him thoughtfully. _

_She'd just met Billy Idol. _

"_Hi." She nodded slightly in return, waiting calmly to see what would happen next. _

"_Saw you in Snyder's office this morning." He said, leaning against the tall bookshelf slightly, trying to look casual. _

_But he wasn't casual. He was tense. _

"_You have eyes." She stated plainly, not trusting him yet wanting to at the same time. Fresh from L.A. and all the various criminals and drunken lowlifes it had to offer, Buffy Summers wasn't that jaded, but she knew people. _

"_Was there myself for a bit of a mishap," he smirked slightly. He had a dimple. _

"_Bad fight or good make-out time in the janitor's closet?" She looked fully at him, this guy she'd just met on her first day in a new school. _

_He seemed slightly taken aback by that, but the shock faded quickly from his eyes and he responded, "C. None of the above." _

"_A mystery." She nodded her approval. _

"_I am at that, luv," the accent was getting to her - they'd always been a weak spot for her. _

"_Do I get a decoder ring or more word games?" She wondered and now she wasn't holding back. _

_She liked her friends in Los Angeles well enough, but most of them had been…intellectually challenged. Sunnydale was a new place with new faces and a fresh start. The people that she'd met so far - Willow, Xander, Tara - they were intelligent people. Cordelia Chase, bitch that she seemed to be, would have surpassed her clique in L.A., sad as that was. _

_Even Oz, who rarely spoke, it seemed, looked wise beyond his years. Buffy hadn't pinpointed why, yet, but she would. She knew people. She wondered if it was shyness that kept him silent. _

"_Do you really wanna know?" He leaned forward a bit, Buffy held her place, not backing down. _

"_Do you want me to know?" She switched it around and smiled when his smile faltered. _

"_I just came over here to ask your name," he responded. _

"_The banter being only a bonus?" She guessed._

"_You can hold your own," he nodded, crystal clear blue eyes lighting up remarkably, "that's for sure."_

"_Funny," she commented lightly, "I was just thinking the same thing about you." _

"_Great minds and what not," she smiled again, a full one this time and paused a moment before, "Spike." _

_She studied his eyes again. They really were fascinating. He was an insightful person with a tough exterior and something very powerful hidden underneath. _

"_Is a nickname to replace..?" She prompted and wouldn't look away when he met her gaze head on, eyes flashing a bit. _

"_You care?" There was some real doubt mixed in there and she was fairly certain she had at least the foundation figured out by now. _

"_I asked."_

"_William." It was short, quick and he glanced away when she looked up again. _

_Yeah, she knew people. _

"_Buffy." _

_His eyes darted to hers again and she didn't want to look away. There was something there. Not something good or something bad, not something life altering, just…something. Buffy wasn't sure yet, but she did know people. And she did know plots._

_This was a beginning. _

"_And what's Buffy a nickname for, pet?" _

She'd slapped his arm lightly, dropping her guard and left the library with him that afternoon. They'd talked of classes and friends and The Bronze and other normal, teenagey stuff.

And Spike never saw that suspicious person again. Never, after that, did Buffy size him up like she would an enemy or hold her stance like she was preparing for war. Never again was she that defensive, angry, guarded person.

In fact, Spike had almost forgotten she existed. Almost, but not quite. He would never forget that look, never had her eyes been so loaded and untrusting.

Never.

Until February nineteenth, nineteen-ninety-nine; when two students had come to Sunnydale High School with guns, shot at random, killed five, injured ten and kept eight students hostage for three hours and forty seven minutes.

When Spike literally thought he was going to go mad from the waiting and the terror of not knowing whether or not the girl he loved was okay or not. Was dead or not.

It wasn't until the forty eighth minute, when all eight of them had walked slowly out of the school, when Spike looked at Buffy for the first time in a lifetime, that he remembered again.

Even from the distance, he recognized the woman he'd met in the library two and a half years before. And in that same moment, when relief should have been all consuming... he felt fear.

TBC…

Really, if I don't get some feedback I'm thinking I'm gonna delete this.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: My Muse decided that this story will keep going. So, thanks for your input and you're lucky my muse is such a stubbron guy. Keep with the reviewing, I think I'll keep with the writing either way. Much love. _

Chapter Five

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked quietly into the fading light of her bedroom. They were lying side by side on her mattress, sides pressed together by necessity, not want. The Little Bit was curled up on her other side, fast asleep, clinging to her arm and waist, head rested on her shoulder.

Spike had always felt a certain fondness for his girlfriend's little sister, but never before had he noticed how pivotal she could be. The day's events had been hectic at best, even after the lifetime of waiting was over.

Buffy had exited the school late that morning with seven others and everything had changed, and yet…there was normality.

School would be shut down for at least a week, no one wanted to be alone right now and everything that Sunnydale had ever known got thrown into question - but the world kept spinning.

The police talked to the eight of them for quite some time, Buffy had to come home and take a shower after that, they prepared food, Spike spoke to his father and Giles agreed that they'd both spend the night with the Summer's.

And Dawn wouldn't leave her sister's side. Comforting her, holding her, seemed to be the only normal thing that Buffy was capable of at the moment.

Her eyes would drift away during conversation, she was unfocused and guarded and Spike was still in fear of what that meant for her, for them, for their lives. But then Dawn, sweet, innocent little Dawnie, would crawl into her sister's lap and Buffy would hold her. She would look down with real emotion in her eyes and Spike knew that at least a part of her had survived unscathed.

"You know what happened." She mumbled now, stroking Dawn's hair absently, staring at the ceiling. "Ben and Glory came in with the guns they stole from their dad. They kept us hostage after they panicked. Me, Willow, Xander, Tara, Anya, Cordelia, Oz and Angel. In the history classroom. Now their both dead and we're alive." She shrugged slightly, Spike felt it against his shoulder. "The end."

"Yeah, but…" Spike breathed deep, "Why'd they do it?"

Buffy stopped the motion of her hand in Dawn's hair. "It doesn't matter." She said shortly. "They were crazy."

Spike shook his head, not buying it. "The bint, maybe," he agreed, "She always did remind me a bit too much of Drusilla, but Ben…he was a good bloke. Seemed it, anyway. I talked to him once or twice. Didn't strike me as the loony type."

"Well, you never really know someone. Plus, they were twins," Buffy pointed out, seemingly at ease with discussing it as long as they stayed a safe distance away from personal experiences and emotions. "They did everything together."

"It's bloody awful," Spike shook his head slightly.

The bleached blonde he had a reputation as stoic and bas ass at school, but anyone who spent more than a few hours with him - and didn't rightly piss him off - knew that there was a tender heart hidden underneath that. Buffy brought that out in him more than anyone, except maybe his Da, and he knew that he'd changed a lot since she'd come into his life. It pained him now that she wouldn't open up to him.

He was a tad jealous of the Bit even, if that was possible.

He was far from giving up, however. "Buffy, I-"

"Tell me a story." She interrupted abruptly, startling Spike some.

"Huh?"

"Tell me a story." She repeated firmly, hand back in Dawn's hair as the Nibblet snuggled closer to her sister in sleep. "It's what I used to do for Dawn when mom and dad were fighting all the time back in L.A." He voice held little emotion, mostly it was purely fact. But she was asking him for something, something she appeared to need. He chose to be grateful for that and let everything else rest in peace for now.

"I'd tell her stories about princesses," Buffy went on, seemingly oblivious to Spike's inner thoughts, "But not your typical 'the man to the rescue' princesses. My princesses had short hair and studied martial arts. They beat up the princes when they were mean and they never backed down from what they wanted. I told Dawn that she could do anything she wanted, that a guy should never stand in her way."

Buffy sighed deeply, turning her head to look down at the snoozing sister in question. "Then we moved here," she spoke so softly that Spike had to lean closer to hear it. "And I met you." She smiled, "I told her that sometimes the princes had hair that was a fake color and talked funny, like that guy in the soap opera that mom's obsessed with."

"He's Australian, luv," Spike couldn't help but correct.

She smiled again, before fading once more into memories, "I'd tell her that the prince was obnoxious and smoked cigarettes - which, by the way never do because they rot your lungs and make you cough - and they drove fancy sport cars and wore thick leather jackets in the middle of summer just to look cool."

Spike smiled, realizing that she was the one telling him a story, and loving it. Even if this was a desperate attempt on her part to escape the reality of the day's events. She'd earned that much, he reckoned.

"I told her that sometimes the princes were annoying and you just wanted to punch them in the face, which you could because the princess knew how to kick ass, but never should unless the prince really deserved it or there was a bad guy." She took another deep breath, her voice getting low and husky. "Then you asked me out and I told her that princes are crafty and offer many bribes to get what they want. Like riding the roller costar over and over even when they're secretly afraid of heights."

"Am not," Spike mumbled, basking in the memory of that evening. He'd never forget it, after all.

"Then I came home one night, after you kissed me on the beach and I woke Dawn up," she sniffled lightly but continued on in the same tone, "I told her that maybe the princess had gotten it wrong the first time. Maybe the King and Queen were just unlucky, because true love did exist and it was worth the wait. I told her that the princess had to be strong and powerful and sure, that she had to look out for herself because you never know when you're gonna end up alone, but that wasn't all there was.

"I told her that princes aren't always evil and mean. and Kings don't always leave their Queens to go and bang the wicked witch of the mailroom."

Spike snorted at that, knowing that Hank Summers had left his family to have an affair with his much younger secretary. "That's a nice way to tell it to a nine-year-old," he commented lightly, picking p her hand in his and stroking it gently, her other hand still lost in Dawn's long, brown locks.

Buffy shrugged, paused for a long time, deep in thought. When she finally spoke again, Spike's heart ached for the pain she felt.

"I told her there was such a thing as happily ever after." She bit her trembling lip lightly, "God, was I just lying to her?"

"No," he stated firmly, at once. "No, pet. No, you weren't lying to her. I can promise you that."

"But how do you know? Spike," she was almost begging him by now, her tone heart-wrenching to the other teen. "It seems like…every time something good happens, every time I'm happy, every time I think it's all gonna work out…something horrible happens to ruin it. Something I can't fix or change or erase and I just…I feel like giving up, Spike. All the time. I just…sometimes I don't see the point."

He'd been listening to her intently up until that point, getting his first inside look at the mind of Buffy Summers since that morning a lifetime ago. And…well, if he'd been scared before, he was petrified now.

"Don't think that," he breathed, turning her around slightly so they were pressed together, only their faces mere inches apart. "God, luv, Buffy. Don't think that. Never…there is a point. Do you hear me? There is a point."

"What?" She sounded so desperate, like her life depended on this answer. Spike was terrified that it just might. "What's the point? I don't understand anymore. I don't know how to keep living if these are the things I've got to deal with. Mom and dad. Parker, back in L.A. Jesse. And now Ben and Glory shooting up the school…" she shook her head. "I just don't understand."

"Neither do I, pet," he looked her square in the eye, refusing to back down. Just like she refused to back down that first day they'd met, and so many days after that when she proved again and again how strong she could be. "I don't understand, either. But I know we have to keep going."

He took a deep breath and tried to speak as true as he could. "I know that there are people in this life that need you. Your mom. The Little Bit," he nodded towards where Dawn was still curled into her side, clinging fiercely still, even in sleep. "Our friends. You're strong, Buffy and they're gonna need you to get through this. And…and I need you. I need you more than I've ever needed anyone before and that scares the living hell out of me, but I'm not going to run from it."

Spike remembered suddenly why he had stopped writing poetry years ago. He took a deep breath. "You're needed, Buffy. You're loved. Please, _please_, don't run from that."

"What if I'm scared?" Her voice was quiet, she ducked her head and hid her eyes.

Spike smiled lovingly, praying to a God he'd never quite believed in that he had pulled her off the ledge. At least for now.

He answered as honestly as he knew how. "That means you're human."

"I really hope that's enough."

TBC…


End file.
